Talk About The USA's Possible Impending Loss Of Sovereignty To Spain Here [Yakspin]

Aug 12, 2012 11:34 AM  

That's how it works, right? Going into the third, Team USA is up one and looking vulnerable. If you can tear your eyes away long enough to yak, let's do so. Ooh, hard foul from Rudy Fernandez! Get that shit out of here.

Update, 12:00: Okay! Maybe we jumped the gun a little on that whole sovereignty thing. Team USA wins the game 107-100, and the gold facing without too much of a challenge. Durant lead the way with 30 points (including five threes), and America is safe...for now.

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Everything You Never Needed To Know About Rhythmic Gymnastics [Video]

We love gymnastics. It gets the highest ratings of any summer event. Every four years we fall in love with a new "America's Sweetheart." They get the Wheaties box. The team goes down in history.

But that's artistic gymnastics, which we're totally not talking about here. We're talking rhythmic gymnastics, which is something you've probably never watched.

In the family tree of gymnastics, rhythmic is that distant cousin you're not really sure how to act around, because they're always lugging around their favorite toys, and doing stuff like stretching their legs over their head to pick their teeth with their toes. Like this—weird, right? To prepare for this piece I asked 10 real live people the first thing that came into their minds when I said the words "Rhythmic Gymnastics." Everyone said the exact same thing: "Ribbons." Well done, highly scientific survey sample. There is a ribbon, but there's also hoops and clubs and glitter-bombed unitards and group numbers that resemble off-brand Cirque du Soleil acts. It's like Branson on ketamine.

Rhythmic gymnastics, which may not actually be nicknamed "R-Gym," but we'll pretend it is, is taking place in London RIGHT NOW. Here's what you should know, beyond ribbons.

* * *

Rhythmic gymnastics is made up of both individual and group routines to music that incorporate dance, acrobatics, and sick flexibility with the use of multiple apparatuses: a ribbon, a ball, a hoop, and a pair of clubs. There also used to be a rope, but we'll get to the rope's misfortune in a bit.

Paradoxically, "artistic" gymnastics has roots back in the pure athletic competitions of Ancient Greece. But rhythmic is the ice-dancing to artistic's figure skating—it's always been about aesthetics. The sport has its origins back in the early days of ballet, and began to take its modern shape around 1900 with the Swedish School of Rhythmic Gymnastics. The Swedes combined exercises for dancers called "eurhythmics," developed in the 1800s by Swiss composer Émile Jaques-Dalcroze, with the practices of French polymath George Demeny, who pioneered the idea of routines set to music that would focus on graceful movement, flexibility, and good posture. What started as one of those weird turn-of-the-century fads managed to stick around, and once apparatuses were incorporated in Germany 1929, "Modern Gymnastics" was born.

After the war, when the Soviets were basically inventing sports to be good at, they caught wind of modern gymnastics (still mostly performed as exhibitions) and set about making the sport competitive. The International Gymnastics Federation (FIG) officially recognized the sport in 1961, though not without an identity crisis. Originally it was called "Modern Gymnastics," then "Rhythmic Sportive Gymnastics" and then finally "Rhythmic Gymnastics." We've stuck with that name ever since, though we're still pushing hard for "R-Gym."

The first world championships in 1963 in Budapest, and only ten European countries participated. The United States didn't send its first delegation until 1973. And yet, a sport developed and popularized by the Russians only made its Olympic debut in the games where the USSR was nowhere to be found. After being included as an exhibition sport, R-Gym was formally introduced at the 1984 Olympics, where a Soviet boycott made for weak competition. How bad was it? An actual Canadian won the first gold medal. Since then, the Soviets/Unified Team/Russians have won every single all-around title except for one that went to Ukraine, which is basically the same thing. In 1996 a group competition was added, and the Russians have won all but one of those.

I know what's on everyone's mind: These chicks are crazy flexible, right? Yes, here's some shots of things they do that few athletes can:

Impressive.

The sport was originally judged on the 10.0 scale we know and love. That obviously wasn't complicated enough for the FIG, so they switched to a 30-point scale in 2003, then to a 20-point scale in 2005, then back to the 30-point scale in 2008. (Got that?) The 30-point scale requires three panels of judges that deliver scores for technical elements, artistic expression, and execution. In R-Gym, dropping an apparatus during a routine is the deduction equivalent of falling off the uneven bars, albeit less fun to watch.

And dropping happens. You can't just keep a death grip on your clubs the whole time. These things must remain in constant movement throughout the routine, and many moves involve gymnasts tossing the apparatus way up into the air and doing a series of acrobatic dance movements before catching it again. What happens if you're so amped you throw it too high…maybe it gets stuck in the ceiling? Haha, I'm joking! Except I'm not. The Code of Points has a section just for this problem:

5.4. BROKEN APPARATUS OR APPARATUS CAUGHT IN THE SMALL BEAMS OF THE CEILING
5.4.1. If the apparatus breaks during an exercise or gets caught in the small beams of the ceiling, the gymnast or the group will not be authorized to start the exercise over.

You read that right. Hit the ceiling, tough shit. Rhythmic gymnastics may look like it's wrapped in glitter and Swarovski crystals, but these judges are not messing around.

That includes the uniforms too. When it comes to the very strict rules on apparel, rhythmic gymnastics doesn't want to acknowledge its ballet roots. In the "Dress of Gymnast" section you'll find this passive-aggressive rule in parentheses:

"(The look of 'ballet tutu' is forbidden)"

Put those tutus away, ladies. This ain't The Nutcracker.

Which reminds me, rhythmic gymnastics is one of just two Olympic sports where only women take part. (Synchronized swimming is the other.) Men's R-Gym does exist, but it's far from widespread enough to earn IOC inclusion.

For the individual competition, the women try their hand with each of the apparatuses. But the groups only perform two routines, with the apparatuses rotating every two years. In London, they'll complete a routine using five balls (hold the giggles please), then a second one with both ribbons and hoops. No clubs for the groups this year, and no rope for anyone, ever again.

If rhythmic gymnastics is the black sheep of the gymnastics family, then rope is the black sheep of the apparatuses. Poor rope is currently in the process of being phased out of the sport altogether. Word on the street is "Scarf" will be taking its place. So if you were looking forward to seeing some rope manipulation in these games, you're outta luck. If you get off on scarfs, just wait a couple Olympiads.

* * *

Who's good at this?

For starters—America is NO good at rhythmic gymnastics. As a former artistic gymnast, I don't even know where you would go to learn this sport . The USA didn't qualify a single athlete for Beijing. This year we managed to squeak one in, a 22-year-old named Julie Zetlin who spoke to Time about what it's like to be an American in a sport dominated by the Russians.

"In Russia you see rhythmic gymnasts on billboards because they're the most famous athletes."

So what's the logical next step when a sport gets super-huge in a country? Juicy gossip. Gymnasts of all kinds are mega-celebs in Russia, and are followed by rumors like movie stars are here. In 2008 reports emerged that Russian President Vladimir Putin was having an affair with 26-year-old Olympic rhythmic gymnastics champion Alina Kabaeva. Putin denied the rumors and in no way overreacted when he closed down the paper that broke the news. Kabaeva went on to be Vogue Russia's first cover girl, holds a cushy government job, and allegedly gave birth to Putin's love child. Awesome.

She also happens to be one of the most successful rhythmic gymnasts of all time, with two Olympic medals and 14 world championship medals. Here she is in action:

At its best, this is what you can expect to see from rhythmic gymnastics: peerless artistry, jaw-dropping choreography, and unreal body control. At the very least you'll see Russian girls fight to hold off tears after they drop their ribbon. Everybody wins.

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Everything You Never Needed To Know About Modern Pentathlon [Video]

Here's a great way to make some extra cash:

1. Go into a bar.
2. Bet people $5 that they can't name three of the five events in modern pentathlon.
3. Collect your money.

Even better: Show them this logo of the sport and make them guess from there.

Believe it or not, modern pentathlon is NOT a bunch of athletes escaping on horseback from the Predator's gunsights. It's five different disciplines, all meant to represent the duties of a 19th century cavalry officer. Seriously. Here's what you need to know about modern pentathlon to win yourself some easy bets.

* * *

To get it out of the way, yes, this is the event with the laser gun shooting. But it also includes: fencing, freestyle swimming and show jumping(!), all topped off with a nice little 3k run. You're probably saying to yourself, "Self, none of these things go together and none of them are modern." You're right! (It's also, with four events, not strictly a pentathlon. But we'll get to that.)

The modern pentathlon isn't modern because of its state-of-the art-events. It's modern because it replaced the stodgy old pentathlon that was good enough for more than 2,500 years. In ancient Olympic times there was a pentathlon that comprised discus, javelin, long jumping, running and wrestling. After founding the modern Olympic games in 1896, Pierre de Coubertin felt the event needed to be updated too, so he tossed out those crusty disciplines and replaced them with exciting new ones, plus a horse. It was introduced with this thrilling narrative:

"A soldier is ordered to deliver a message on horseback. When the horse went down, he was forced to defend himself with both a sword and pistol. He completed his mission by swimming across a river and running a long distance through the woods."

(That's right, "the woods." That's why the 3k run goes cross country.)

Officially debuting in 1912, the modern pentathlon is the only event created specifically for the Olympic games, and world championships have been held annually since 1949. But Olympic modern pentathlon has fallen on hard times, and needs your support. The event has struggled in our modern-modern era to gain momentum and enthusiasm outside of Eastern Europe, where they probably still fight off bandits on horseback and tend to dominate the sport. Many changes have been made to try and give it a boost. In 1996 they changed the competition format from a four-day event to a one-day event, and went from a point system to a combined system in which whoever crossed the finish line first would win. All this to try to drum up some excitement, which has proven difficult given that the women's competition in Beijing took twelve hours to complete.

At the IOC's 2005 session, modern pentathlon was on the chopping block to be cut from the Olympic program altogether. It narrowly received a stay of execution, but only through this year. In 2008, in another attempt to make the sport more watchable, the governing body of modern pentathlon combined shooting and running into one superdiscipline.

It "completely changes the ethos of the sport that was formulated by Baron de Coubertin," said Jan Bartu, now the head coach of Britain's modern pentathlon team. "But whatever we feel or would like to do, we need to move on and adapt to the changes."

* * *

Some sports are fine being simple. Put the ball in the basket. Get to that end of the pool first. Jump really far. Modern pentathlon don't play that game. The competition breaks down like this:

1. Fencing – Each athlete fences every other athlete. The first to achieve a good touch is the winner. They need to keep this show moving, so each bout must produce a winner in one minute, or both will be declared losers. Every time you lose, you also lose points equal to a seven-second delay in your starting time for the final run.

2. Swimming - After tense sword fighting it's time for a relaxing dip in the pool. Athletes swim 200 meters freestyle and aim for the "par for the course" time of 2:30. Every second slower than 2:30 and you get hit with a three second delay on the running. You get hit mega-hard for failures like false starts.

3. Show Jumping - You don't just have to ride a horse in modern pentathlon. The rules state that you must ride an "unfamiliar horse." No bringing your own mount, one you've spent half your life training. The organizers assign you a horse at random (presumably a trained one) and you get 20 minutes to bond like hell with that thing before taking it out to jump over twelve obstacles. Hit something and get docked points. Fall off your mighty beast more than once and you get eliminated. Exceed the time limit by more than a minute and you're eliminated. Rough.

4/5. Combined Event – Time handicaps are tallied up from the previous events. The leader goes first, and everyone else starts based on how many points they're behind. About 20 meters down the way you'll come upon a shooting range. It's there that the most modern part of modern pentathlon takes place. You must hit five targets with a LASER GUN, "reloading" after each shot. Then you run 1000 meters. Then you hit another shooting range. Then you run 1000 meters. Then you hit another shooting range. In the end you've should have hit 15 targets and run a 3k. If you finish first, you win.

Modern pentathlon has had difficulty adjusting to its new modern laser gun, introduced in 2010 to save money and improve safety, at the expense of the old air pistol. At the last year's European championships, four top athletes failed to hit their five targets within the 70-second time limit.

"These are athletes with proven ability in the combined event who don't take 20-plus shots to hit five targets down," said Great Britain's Sam Weale, a medal contender this year. "This is athletes' careers and lives at stake, with Olympic futures in jeopardy."

The laser guns seem to have the most problems on sunny days—direct sunlight on the target can cause shots not to register. The sport's governing body promised to have these issues worked out by the Olympics, but the only concrete step they took was to make sure the shooting event takes place in the evening. So we'll see.

* * *

Who's good at this? The Swedes and Eastern Europeans have largely dominated the sport, with the last three men's gold medalists hailing from Russia. Women's pentathlon has only been an Olympic sport since 2000, and the competition has been much more wide open, with only the Brits medaling each time.

Modern pentathlon is also a sweet matchmaking sport. 1988 bronze medalist Vakhtang Iagorashvili of Georgia fell in post-Cold War love with USA pentathlete Mary Beth Larsen in the mid ‘90s. After they married, she finished fourth in Sydney, while he went on to compete for his adopted country of America in 2004.

Since the modern penthathlon is only guaranteed Olympic inclusion through these games, this could be your LAST chance to experience the strange disconnected greatness. So watch this badass promo video…and get psyched.

Lindsey Green is an Olympic obsessive. (Nearly a decade as a gymnast will do that to a person.) You can keep up with her Olympic thoughts and general sports pondering here and here. If you want to employ her for real reasons, then you should be a startup looking for PR.

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A Blockbuster Dwight Howard Trade Is About To Happen, And Chris Broussard Is AWOL (Update: He's Back!) [Dwight Howard]

The Olympics are still continuing in their tape-delayed glory and the NFL preseason has now begun in earnest, but everyone is abuzz with talk that a blockbuster, four-team deal that would send Magic center Dwight Howard to the Lakers is imminent. Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski first reported early this afternoon that the four teams were getting closer to an agreement, and ESPN's Marc Stein is reporting that a Friday morning call has been set up with the NBA to go over the details with the league office. While Woj is saying Bynum and Gasol could be headed out of LA, Stein's sources say the Magic will be getting a first-round pick from the Lakers, Sixers, and Denver and that Gasol may not necessarily be part of the deal. (UPDATE: Woj is now reporting that Gasol is staying with the Lakers.) It does appear that Andrew Bynum will be go from LA to Philadelphia and that Andre Iguodala (currently in London for the Olympics) will be headed to Denver.

TMZ tried to wrangle some kind of confirmation from Howard that the deal was in the works, but Howard wouldn't bite. Regardless, Stein seems confident in what his sources are telling him, and we should have a clearer idea of the deal's particulars some time in the morning. There's been no update from Woj after this afternoon's initial report, but if Gasol does stay put somehow, that means the Lakers' starting five next season could be Steve Nash, Dwight Howard, Metta World Peace, Kobe Bryant, and Pau Gasol. (Holy hell, that's not bad.) What's odd is that Stein's source says Howard will not immediately sign an extension with the Lakers, instead preferring to test free agency next summer, so we might get to DO ALL THIS AGAIN, WOO-HOO!

Still, this all feels so premature, so incomplete without Broussard chiming with his esteemed NBA expertise. In fact, he's basically disappeared for the last eight days, not tweeting once since a Dwight Howard-related story on August 1. (His name does surface briefly in this update, so he's reporting on this from somewhere.) Hopefully, he'll surface publicly soon and confirm some of these reports.

UPDATE: Finally, Broussard has spoken. I feel better now.

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Chipper Jones Complained On Twitter About The TV In His Hotel Room, And Someone From The Front Desk Came Up And Fixed It [Chipper Jones]

Aug 9, 2012 3:55 PM  

We thought we were too cynical to ever again believe in sports the way we did when we were kids. We thought we could never unquestioningly adore and glorify an athlete, knowing what really goes on. But then we met Chipper Jones's Twitter feed. Larry, Jr. tweets in backwoods gibberish overflowing with vitality. He loves his teammates—J-Hey, the Rev, B-Mac, Mike B, and others—and always celebrates when they go "mammo," "jimmyjack," or "yicketty." On off days, he has slushees and tells us about them.

Today, while in a hotel room awaiting a series against the Mets, Chipper got his first taste of his immense online power:

@RealCJ10 If anyone was thinkin about stayin at the Grand Hyatt in NY,dont! My AC is set on 65 and its north of 80 in here. Like a freaken sauna!

@RealCJ10The movie channels dont work and the beds make my back spasm up! Am i complaining too much? Im sorry, gotta vent to someone. Love yall!!!

@RealCJ10Ahh the power of social media. TV guy just showed up at my door. Didnt even have to call the front desk. See what happens when u vent a tad?

Some days, the internet is just the best. There's a significant overlap between those days and the days Chipper Jones tweets.

[Twitter]

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Olympics Brand Police Not Happy About Athletes Humping With Unauthorized Condoms [London Olympics]

Aug 9, 2012 4:57 PM  

As we've seen again and again (and again), the London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (LOCOG) protects Olympic sponsors with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting its cubs. That extends to condoms: when Australian BMXer Caroline Buchanan tweeted this picture of "a bucket of unauthorized condoms" (that's Fox Sports's delicate phrasing), they took swift action, removing the renegade contraception and vowing that they would "look into this and ask that they are not handed out to other athletes because Durex are our supplier."

[Fox Sports]

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Wait, Did John Feinstein Really Delay A Basketball Game Five Hours For His Book About Selfless Student Athletes? [Media Meltdowns]

Tuesday morning, we flagged an article in The Millions called "The Problem with Sportswriting." In it, the author, Sebastian Stockman, having dived 544 pages deep into John Feinstein's navel, resurfaces with a great head-slapper. Stockman writes:

Feinstein was researching his book The Last Amateurs, on The Patriot League, a scholarship-free, NCAA Division I athletic conference. Basically, he wanted to attend two games on a certain Saturday, one was at noon, one was at two p.m., and the venues were two-and-a-half hours apart. So, he asked the Holy Cross athletic director to change the time of its game with Lehigh. And, because Feinstein was by this time a perennial bestselling author whose book was sure to give the Patriot League and its schools unpurchasable publicity, the two teams acquiesced, and Feinstein — the reporter who was observing a typical season in the Patriot League — got his way.

Well, we couldn't resist: We dropped $15 on the e-book and can now give you the whole weird story, which is a sort of dickhead's parable about the observer effect. Feinstein, who moonlights as a Washington Post columnist when he's not farting out mediocre books, introduces the anecdote as if confessing to something for which—as you'll see—he feels not the least bit sorry: "Since eleven years have passed, I can now reveal that for all the complaining I've done throughout my adult life about game time being changed for TV, I was responsible for a game time being changed while I was researching The Last Amateurs." He goes on:

Each week I would sit down on Sunday night and plan my schedule for the next week. It would be based on who was playing whom, logistics (a day like the one where I could see two games back-to-back was an obvious choice), and whomever I hadn't seen in a while. I was driving everywhere, knew the hotels cold by midseason, and didn't even really need my credentials since everyone working in all seven buildings knew me by then.

Looking ahead to the last weekend of the season, I saw a problem. Army and Navy were closing out their regular season at Army at noon on Saturday. That was a game I needed to see because it was Army-Navy, because it was the last home game for the Army seniors, and because Navy needed to win to keep pace with Lafayette in the race to finish first. The highest-seeded team hosted the championship game and, given that each had beaten the other at home, that figured to be critical. Lafayette would be at Bucknell on Sunday to close out the season, so there was no problem getting there.

The problem was Chris Spitler.

Had it been early in the season, Lehigh at Holy Cross, scheduled for Saturday at two o'clock, would hardly look like a game I needed to attend. And at this point, both teams were in the bottom half of the league. But Spitler had become a central figure in the book and it was his last home game. Not only that but he was the only Holy Cross senior left and there was certainly something symbolic in that.

There was no way I could be at West Point for a noon game and then at Holy Cross—about two-and-a-half hours away—for a two o'clock game.

I called Mastrandrea. "I know this is crazy," I said, "but do you think there's any way you could play your game that day at seven instead of two?"

Frank thought for a minute. "Logistically, I don't see why not," he said. "There's no TV involved. We could easily get word to our season ticket holders [of whom there were at most three hundred at that point] and our students. As long as Ralph and Sal don't object, I don't see why not."

Neither Ralph nor Sal objected. In fact, they were glad to help me out. It would mean Lehigh would get home much later, but it was a Saturday, so the players could sleep in on Sunday. No one bothered to check with the league office because there would have been such paralysis in making a decision we might still be waiting for an answer right now.

So the game was changed to a seven o'clock tip. The only complaint I heard was from one of the women's assistant coaches at Lehigh. In those days the men and women played doubleheaders in the Patriot League, and the women's tipoff was moved from 12:00 to 4:30. When the women's coaches asked why—a reasonable question—they were told it was to accommodate me.

I guess they didn't like that and one of them decided to tell me so. "You should be ashamed of what you did," she said to me in the hallway of the Hart Center when I walked in at about five o'clock. The women's game was at halftime and Holy Cross, which back then had the best team in league, was winning easily. Apparently that was because of the time change.

I wasn't ashamed and it was well worth the effort.

This is all pretty amazing. (You have to wonder what his bosses at the Washington Post would think if Feinstein ever pulled shit like this for his column. Oh wait—no, you don't.) What's even more amazing is that Feinstein is telling this story himself, in his memoirs, as if it were something noble and brave, an honored veteran's old war story. "Apparently that was because of the time change," Feinstein quips, determined to get in the last word on a Lehigh assistant, unaware that his own memoir makes him out to be a total knob. Hey, at least it's accurate.

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What The Discus Can Teach You About Life: Lessons From One Of America's Greatest Throwers [Video]

Tell Me When It's Over is an interview series in which we ask former athletes about the moment they knew their playing days were over. Today: Mac Wilkins, one of the United States' greatest all-around throwers.

Though he also threw the javelin and put the shot at the University of Oregon, Wilkins's greatest accomplishments came with the discus. He made four straight U.S. Olympic teams and returned home with a gold medal in 1976, a silver in 1984, and a fifth-place finish in 1988. Wilkins is also the first man ever to throw the discus more than 70 meters, and he held the world record for over two years, bettering his own mark three times between April 1976 and August 1978.

He retired from competitive throwing at the national championships in 1989 and went into computer technology sales. In 2000 he began handing out fliers for a throwing club, and he is now the throws coach at Concordia, a Christian university in Portland.

* * *

I tell people I'm a coach. I tell them I'm a teacher. Or a mentor.

It means you're guiding young people out past toward maturity and growth, pursuing their passion, and most of the time that passion is focused on throwing. I'm not a drill sergeant. I'm not a high school football coach. Like my college coach Bill Bowerman, I prefer not to be called "Coach." We had our taste for that word tainted by bad experiences in high school from football coaches.

* * *

When I was a kid, I'd go out and play. I'd come home from school and go out and play every afternoon until it was dark and I had to come in for dinner. I just wanted to go out and play. I liked sports. It was fun. And when I got to junior high school I thought I'd go out for track to help my conditioning and coordination for football and basketball.

My dad went to the University of Oregon and was a well-known athlete. He played three years in the NFL and he was an All-American basketball player and a semi-pro baseball player and a scratch golfer and all that kind of stuff, and so I had the heritage to be an athlete. And I was really lucky. My dad never pushed me into sports. He encouraged me, but he never really made a big deal out of it.

I was 13 years old when I first went out for track, just to improve my conditioning and coordination for basketball and football, and I wanted to be a miler. The coach wouldn't let me run the 880, which was the longest race they had, but I did get to try the hurdles and I ran on a relay team, and he had me throw a shot because I was tall and fairly coordinated. And I was pretty good at the shot put. And then when I got to high school, for the same reasons, the coach had me pick up the discus and I was fairly good at the discus. And by the time I was a senior in high school the coach was afraid that he wasn't going to have any hurdles left because I kept hitting them too hard and breaking them, so he had me stop running the hurdles and I was stuck with the shot put and discus.

In Oregon they throw the javelin in high school, so as a senior I picked up the javelin and was very successful with that fairly early, fairly quickly, and without very much coaching. And I really think the javelin was my natural and best event. But I had a couple of letters from small colleges to play basketball, and I thought that was really a cool deal. I didn't know if I was good enough to play a varsity sport. And then my senior year I won the state meet in the discus throw and Bill Bowerman talked to me about coming to Oregon to do track, and so I was a thrower.

* * *

I was in the same class with Steve Prefontaine, and he was world-famous before he got to college. He made the U.S. national team as a senior in high school, and toured Europe with the U.S. team as a senior in high school. And he came to college and was wearing USA national sweats and that's like …. I don't know what to say that's like. There's nothing like that. I mean, you can go buy an official NFL jersey. Big deal. Who cares? But you couldn't, at least back then, you couldn't go buy a USA national team jersey. And he had one and he wore it sometimes, and he'd hang it up in the window of his dorm room to let it dry and stuff like that.

And some people thought he was cocky and some people thought he was arrogant and it's easy to come by that, but he's 19 years old, and he had his priorities so clear. He was so clear on what he wanted out of life, and what he had to do to get it. Some hot babe would ask him if he could go out with her Friday night, and he'd say, "I don't know. Let me check my schedule. I think I have a hard workout Saturday morning." And I'm watching this from 15, 20 feet away and I can't believe it. I was 19 years old and just having a fun time. And he was 19 years old and one of the best in the country.

I was always kind of puzzled about his attitude and behavior, and then I realized that, because he was 19 and from a blue-collar town on the Oregon coast, he wasn't very socially skilled. I mean, he wasn't a complete bozo, but, you know, he's 19. He's a 19-year-old guy and on the national team in high school.

But he was so clear about his priorities and what he wanted to do and what he needed to do to be successful and to improve. And I was right there at the same point about six months after he died. He passed away in May of 1975, and at that time I was becoming like him. I didn't realize it until later. I was a little bit gruff and a little bit impolite at times. It was only when I thought people were getting in the way of what I needed to do, and what I wanted to do was be the best thrower that I could be. It just took me a while for my priorities to clarify and for me to have the passion and the desire to have the self-discipline to live those priorities on a daily basis. And he had that when he was 19.

He developed that much earlier than I did, and he was a runner. And yeah, I could relate to what distance runners went through, and I appreciated some of his races. He wanted to see who could stand the most pain. And he was going to stand more pain than you were. And you kind of have to do that when you're a thrower—the workouts are hard work. But it's also a skill thing. There's not a whole lot of skill in left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right for 10 minutes or however long you do it.

* * *

I really think my best event was the javelin. The problem is, I didn't really have anybody show me how to do it correctly. As a senior in high school and as a freshman I had a little bit of guidance, but it was from Bill Bowerman, who was a distance running coach. So at the start of my sophomore year I was getting more power into it, but in the wrong positions, and I blew out my elbow. And this was before Tommy John blew out his elbow, so there was no Tommy John surgery for me. I just struggled for the rest of the year and into my junior year, and finally in January 1972, my junior year in college, I decided I was going to give up the javelin and just focus on the shot and the discus. Go back to the good old shot and disc just to keep my scholarship for the last two years of college, then get a job and disappear into oblivion [laughs]. It was really depressing.

That January and February were not real pleasant times for me. I had given up the javelin. So one day I go out to train and I say, Oh, what the heck. Let's just give it a little extra effort today. And I did, and I got better and it went farther. And I thought that was kind of fun. What if I could that again tomorrow? And so pretty soon, I'm hooked on, Can I do it better today? And it was fun. I knew I could get better and I enjoyed it.

By the time I was a senior I won the NCAAs in the discus, and I was third in the shot put, and I also won the national AAU championship in the discus. And I thought that was really fun and really cool and I wanted to do more. And I knew I could get better. I knew I was barely reaching into my ability or my skill. And another thought that popped up was, Well, if I keep doing this for another three years and I don't get hurt or really screw up or go down or backwards, I might even make the Olympic team. Not that that was a huge, major goal, but it was just like, I can get better. I know I can get better. I know this isn't the end of the road. I know I can get better.

* * *

I competed much of my time against the Germans and the Soviets. And for them it was a big priority. It was a big deal, and it was a national thing. And yeah, there were abuses in what they did, but they also have an institutional knowledge of how you do things: the right way to perform the shot put or the discus or the hammer throw.

We have that in golf and we have that in tennis and to some degree probably pitching baseballs, but you certainly don't have that in the shot put or the discus or the javelin or the hammer. And so the knowledge exists in the world, but not very much in this country. And I thought it was such a waste of talent. So many people working so hard and pursing their dreams, and, to one degree or another, they were kind of clueless about what was really important to be successful.

It's a skill. The skill of throwing is very similar to the skill of swinging a golf club or a baseball bat, for that matter. And it's all timing and leverage and rhythm, except you have to be a lot stronger because the implements are heavier obviously.

Your life is certainly unbalanced. I mean, you're very narrowly focused and you're going a mile and half deep on one tiny little thing. And you have to give up other stuff. You give up a lot of things in life. A lot of it is not a normal, natural life. You're so focused. It's all about me. It's all about my performance. What's the most important thing for me to do right now so I can have peak performance at the most important meet of the year 10 months from now?

And that's what you think about constantly. And if it's a holiday and the gym's closed, you can't train. So it's not bad timing on your part. It's just the stupid gym's closed. It's horrible. I hate Thanksgiving because the gym's closed and you can't train. Come on. Just change the program so you don't have to lift weights on Thanksgiving. But that's not how you see it at the time.

It was all about, There are no limits. There are no limits. I have no restrictions. I have no inhibitions. And you can achieve anything that you set your mind to. There are no limits.

* * *

Starting in 1976, a regular part of my routine was to throw left-handed at the start and the finish of every workout. Now certainly that's not going to equal the same amount of stress on my left side that it put on my right side, but it would help balance things out a bit. There were also some stretching exercises that I did, and a sort of a power-walk kind of thing that I would do to stretch from side to side. And those were all things to help you extend your career.

I'm slightly larger on the right side than the left side. But tennis players are the exact same way.
My right side was slightly larger. You wouldn't so much notice it in my upper body, maybe a little bit in my lower body, my legs, but not nearly as much as a bowler or a tennis player.

At some point you're going to wear things out, especially with the javelin. The javelin's a very violent event. It's not nearly as gentle as throwing the shot, for example, relatively speaking.
It's a put because your hand and your elbow stay behind the ball, but you're really pulling the ball with your hips, just like the discus or a golf swing or a baseball swing.

* * *

In Montreal I felt like all I had to do was go out there and have an average performance and I'd win the gold medal. And I did. I had an average, slightly above average performance. It wasn't that great. I threw 67.50 [meters] and then 221 [feet] in the finals, 224 in qualifying. Warming up for the qualifying round I threw 230 and 236. In the qualifying they have one line out there, and it's the "A" standard. If you throw it over the line you're automatically in. And you don't get any more throws. And I threw a bad throw. It was low and it was wobbly, and it went 224. And I stood for a second thinking maybe I should step out of the circle so I'd get another try and really throw it far. And I said, No. I'm a wild and crazy guy, but not that wild and crazy [laughs].

* * *

I don't think I was a slam dunk to win [in 1980]. First of all, the Soviets won all four men's throwing events, by hook or by crook and some of them by crook. Absolutely by crook. The Cuban [Luis Delis, who finished third] should've won the discus, but they mismarked his throw by about a meter. Udo Beyer, the East German, should've won the men's shot put, but the Russian won. I even heard this from a Russian thrower: In Moscow Stadium they had these huge doors at the end, and they would open up the doors to improve the air flow to help the aerodynamics lift the javelin for the Russian throwers, and they'd close them for everybody else. So I was not a slam dunk, and I threw the longest throw of my life in that year.

I thought that the boycott was a stupid thing to do. We continued to sell wheat to Russia. We continued to sell Pepsi to Russia. We bought vodka from Russia. It was business as usual except for the Olympic Games. And, of course, we only boycotted after we won the ice hockey game in Lake Placid that year. So I thought it was very naïve, and I was very disappointed because I really liked Jimmy Carter. And there's still a war in Afghanistan, even to this day. So it didn't do anything.

* * *

In some ways, I was more satisfied with my performance in Los Angeles than Montreal, in spite of the silver medal versus the gold, because I think I threw better. I was more consistent. I had two throws that would've won and I think one of them, or maybe both of them, would've broken my Olympic record from Montreal in '76. But I didn't quite have enough of the right stuff to make those throws and stay in the circle. My focus was not as sharp as eight years earlier in Montreal. And that was a result of life situations.

In L.A. it was like, Oh man, I know it's right there. Where is it? Is it this? Is it that? I just know it's right there. And it was right there, but I couldn't touch it on that day. And then in 1988 in Seoul it was like, I'll be happy if I can throw high teens, close to 220. I know I'm not going to win. I know that. I'm happy to be here. I want to perform well. And you always want to fight against "I'm happy to be here" versus "I'm going to give it my best, and I have a chance to win" and all of that stuff, except that you're not going to win.

When 12 guys go out onto the floor of the Olympic stadium for the final of the event, they pretty much know within one or two places where they're going to finish. And there's nothing wrong with that. What matters is, Can you move up out of that? Is there something that you can do that's above and beyond where you think you're supposed to finish?

* * *

In 1988, after the Olympics in Seoul, there was a party in someone's apartment, and there were throwers from all around the world. Some of them had two or three gold medals. Some of them had three or four world records to go with their two or three gold medals. And some of them had no medals and no world records, but they had just been part of the group for years, competing internationally.

The hardest thing about the throw is to go slow and be relaxed and let the reach and the rhythm and the timing create all the power. You have to let go.

And in this group, at this party in this apartment, it really didn't matter who had what. Everybody was equal and the main thing was we were all friends and we'd shared our common pursuit of throwing far. And not everyone was a discus thrower, but they were all throwers pretty much, and we all shared this common bond of competing with each other, competing against the challenge of making the throw.

And that's what I remember—such a warm and pleasant and strong memory of the friendships that you make with people who are doing the same thing you're doing. They understand what you're going through and they understand the challenge because they face it themselves. That's the real reward.

* * *

At that time I had planned on '88 being my last year. '89 was an afterthought. It was just because I could. '88 was supposed to be my last year.

I did one more year just because it seemed like, with all things considered, it was something I could do and at the same time still try to develop a career outside of throwing. And, in fact, I was able to do that. I did actually start a job before I finished my throwing. I was able to get a job and continue training, and they gave me some leeway in terms of leaving early. But then I was done for good at the end of June at nationals. I said, OK, I'm all done. I can't do this anymore.

The national championship was always the biggest meet of the year for me. I always planned to do my very best in that meet, except for a few years when I could train through it and feel comfortable that I would win. But I always wanted to be the national champion, so I was trying to get up to my best level of performance, and I think I had taken three weeks off from throwing right before that competition because my back was in such pain. I could not turn my right hip ahead into the throw.

I competed in nationals. I qualified second with a horrible distance of 193, and I went home the next morning because I was in such pain I knew that I couldn't continue. And I could go on throwing in July and August, maybe September, but why? I'm not going to set a world record. I'm not going to make $200,000. I'm not even going to make $20,000 probably. And there's no good thing that will come out of it, so just stop now. Stop now. Go to work. Do your job full-time instead of 30 hours, 25 hours, and make a change in your life. So I did.

I walked away from the competition. I walked away from the qualifying round and I never had such a burning in my lower back. I tried to hang on some pull-up bars and I tried to stretch and took some pain medicine and by dinnertime I said, This is not getting better. I'm not going to throw tomorrow. I don't want to do this anymore. This hurts [laughs]. This is no fun. So I knew then that I was all done, and I didn't compete in the finals.

* * *

It's very difficult to stop. It's very difficult to stop. I was very lucky. I had a couple of bulging discs. I was physically unable to throw. Every time I made the throwing motion it was like a knife in my back. I had a wife and a young son and I wasn't making much money at all doing the discus. I was getting tired of all the bureaucratic rigmarole and politics in the sport. And I was 38, 39 years old, and my performances were declining.

I'm a very, very fortunate guy. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a woman who is so loving and understanding and [laughs] lets me kind of be this guy who … all I did was I kept turning and turning on my left foot, working on the discus move at the start. And we're in the grocery store even now, and I'll kind of start. It's like I have this uncontrollable twitch. My body starts pivoting on my left foot. I joke and say, Ever since I've retired I've taken thousands of throws. I have this turning thing going on. And my wife says I should see a doctor and get rid of it.

My satisfaction when I was selling corporate technology solutions was not nearly what it is now or what it was when I was throwing. And it was about when I was 50 when I realized that this isn't the best use of Mac Wilkins.

I got into technology because I wanted to be rewarded for being good, which is another way of saying, I wanted to make a lot of money. And that's not always the best reason for doing things. I had some successes. Absolutely I had some successes. But the realization in 2000 was pretty clear. It was like, This isn't really what you're all about, and this isn't the best thing for you to be doing. And it took a while to figure out how to get back to where I could make a living, support my family, because I knew it wasn't going to be as a thrower [laughs], at age 50, clearly. So yeah, it took a little while and I struggled with letting things happen.

Maybe I was in the right place at the right time sometimes, and perhaps this was the wrong place at the wrong time. Or I didn't have what it takes. I don't know. I just had all these questions, and finally about 2000 I went around to some youth track meets and handed out fliers and said, Hey, I'm going to start a throwing club. We'll meet here at this time, come on out, and I'll teach you how to throw.

And I started doing that and sometimes we'd meet at this place and sometimes that place. We didn't have a home. We just met wherever we could, and sometimes we'd be throwing and the sprinklers would come on [laughs], but I had some pretty good kids and finally it occurred to me about a year or two after that that that's really the best use of Mac Wilkins in this lifetime.

* * *

Is there a moral to the story? Well, probably.

I have so many, so many times when I would fall down or fail. Being a teacher/coach, I have to be ... well, it's exactly like being a parent. You have to be a better person than you really are [laughs]. You have to be a role model.

My throwers all want to throw 200 feet, or 60 feet in the shot, or go to the Olympics or something like that, but that's not the real goal for me. The real goal is for them to get hooked on learning and enjoy that passion and then share that with somebody else, be compelled to share that.

The hardest thing about the throw is to go slow and be relaxed and let the reach and the rhythm and the timing create all the power. And the bigger lesson from all of that is, You have to let go. You have to trust that there's something greater than you that will make it work right. And that's what you need to try and practice. And that's really hard because you spend all this time trying to get strong, and you want to use those muscles and you want to work hard when you throw, but that's not how you throw far.

* * *

There was one interview before the '88 Olympics, and the guy says, Why do you keep doing this? And I wasn't trying to be funny. It came across like I was being a real wiseass or something. I just said, Well, you know, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing and I can still do it, so I do it. And that was just a sincere, honest response, and looking at it on tape later, it looked like I was a wise ass [laughs]. It's a beautiful thing. Because it's beautiful. Because I can. That's what it boiled down to. Because it's beautiful. Because I can. And I think there's nothing wrong with that answer.

Rob Trucks's latest book is on Fleetwood Mac's Tusk album. Actually it's about more than Fleetwood Mac's Tusk album, and most reviewers understood that, but people who commented on Amazon hated the work with a passion almost breathtaking in its purity. You may monitor Trucks's reading list at tusktusktusk.com, follow him on Twitter at @tusktusktusk, or write him directly at trucks@deadspin.com.

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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That Runner Who Got Kicked Out Of The Olympics For Tanking Just Won The Race He Actually Cared About [London Olympics]

Aug 7, 2012 5:20 PM  

Yesterday we brought you the story of Taoufik Makhloufi of Algeria, who tanked out of his qualifying heat in the 800m in order to conserve his energy for the 1500m final, a stunt that got him kicked out of the Olympics altogether. Makhloufi was later reinstated when he obtained a doctor's note claiming that his performance in the 800m was due to a "knee injury."

Well, that knee seems to have recovered dandily, because Makhloufi just took gold in the 1500m final. The knee injury excuse was obviously bogus, but it's hard to be mad at Makhloufi for doing what he did. He had a much better chance at winning the 1500m, and he knew that he was going to need all the strength he could muster in order to do so. His move may be reprehensible to some (prickish) people, but not to me. He got the gold he wanted, and his tanking didn't adversely effect any of the other runners who were competing. His crime was as victimless as it gets. I suppose the spectators who showed up to watch his heat have some room to complain, but anyone expecting riveting athletic competition from a qualifying heat is dumb.

So, to sum up, if you want to be an Olympic gold medalist, don't go around giving your all like some kind of square. And be sure to smoke plenty of weed. And get laid once in a while, too.

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Everything You Never Needed To Know About Racewalking [Video]

Remember watching When Harry Met Sally, and thinking to yourself "What the hell are they doing?" as you watched Billy Crystal in spandex walking fast and funny through Central Park with Bruno Kirby? That was racewalking, son.

Racewalking isn't just for RomComs. It's a real-deal, throw-down, God-honest Olympic sport. The athletes just as elite and devoted as in any other event. The golds just as gold, the silvers just as silver, the bronzes just as, um, copper. Things just move...slightly slower.

You may have some questions.

What is Racewalking?

It's walking really fast.

Isn't that called "running?"

It's different from running because there are two limitations. You must keep at least one foot on the ground at all times. And your front, supporting leg must stay completely straight from the moment it touches the ground until your center of gravity passes over it. Failure to do so is called a "lifting infraction." You do not want a lifting infraction.

Here are some guys doing it right:

Try this, right now, in your office. Go on. You will look like a fool, but you will see that racewalking, despite being the exercise of choice for 40-something women wearing tracksuits and sweatbands, is decidedly not easy. But how did something with such seemingly arbitrary rules become an Olympic sport?

Racewalking traces its roots back to a 19th century pastime called "Pedestrianism," which was described as "competitive long distance walking events." Like most sport crazes of the time, working-class British and American folk loved it because it was ripe for betting. In 1876 the New York Times was ON IT and reported an epic Brooklyn pedestrianism battle between two dudes who walked 1,000 miles in 1,000 hours. These guys had "backers" whom the Times couldn't identify who urged them to push on for "the continuation of the match at any sum." It should also be noted that one of these guys fell ill due to "the effects of some drug mixed with a small quantity of brandy which he swallowed." Nevertheless, the men racewalked onward.

Pedestrianism was taken back from the gambling degenerates and made over with official rules by England's Amateur Athletics Association, and racewalking saw its Olympic debut in 1904 as part of the decathlon. Four years later, the sport got its own stage to shine with 1,500 and 3,000 meter walks. In 1932, racewalking started to take its current Olympic shape when the 50-kilometer walk was contested for the first time. The Men's 20K walk followed in 1956.

Today men compete in both 20K and 50K walks. Hey! Where all the ladies at? Well, apparently walking is a man's sport, because the chicks weren't given their own racewalking event until 1992. 1992! It took the Olympics 88 years to figure out that maybe women can also walk really fast without running. And even now, the 50K is only for dudes.

***

I know what you're thinking. You're all, "Whatever, it would be so easy to cheat at this." NOPE. Because in racewalking there are judges that follow you around, watch you like a hawk, and hand out RED CARDS that will crush your racewalking dreams by disqualifying you for breaking form. Three red cards and you're out of the race.

Disqualifications are a pretty common part of the sport, because as I would imagine it's wicked difficult to NOT BEND your knees when you're walking. Think those judges made a mistake? TOO BAD. As the USATF racewalking handbook states,

The Judges of Race Walking [Ed note: the sport can't quite decide if its own name is one or two words] shall have the sole authority to determine the fairness or unfairness of walking, and their rulings thereon shall be final and without appeal.

In addition to judges being infallible gods, athletes aren't able to jam out to their favorite tunes while walking either. It's just you and your thoughts in the racewalking world. Your CD-ROM player is specifically prohibited.

Athletes shall not use video or cassette recorders or players, TV's, CD or CD- ROM players, radio transmitters or receivers, mobile phones, computers, or any similar devices during the competition.

There's an out. The judges can't watch a walker's every step. There are only so many of them, and the course is many, many miles long. They know the competitors are cheating, but they acknowledge there's nothing they can do about it:

Some race walkers—novice and experienced—make special attempts to be 'super clean' when in a Judge's vicinity, and then their legality may be questionable in the areas between the Judges. Any decisions made should be based on observations within the Judge's "viewing area" and cannot be based on speculation, guess or hearsay.

In case you're wondering what disqualification looks like: Here you go.

Olympic racewalking history is littered with epic disqualifications, but perhaps none more gut-wrenching than what Jane Saville suffered in 2000. The hometown Sydney girl was leading in front of a roaring crowd. As she entered the tunnel toward the final stretch, a judge called her third and final lifting infraction. Disqualified on the spot. Saville collapsed in tears. When a reporter asked after the race what she wanted, Saville replied, "A gun to shoot myself."

Well, that's intense. Saville went on to win two gold medals at the Commonwealth Games and a bronze in Athens in 2004. But those facts won't stop her Sydney story from haunting my dreams.

***

Now, Let's get down to business. Who's good at this?

Eastern Europeans have largely dominated the sport. Russia holds a vast amount of the world records. Poland's Robert Korzeniowski accomplished a first in Sydney by winning gold in both of the men's events. The old Iron Curtain nations probably do well because of that centralized-training, win-or-it's-the-gulag thing the Soviets had going on for a while. This is a theory, but it's the Olympics so I'm sure it's true.

You know who isn't good at racewalking? America. Only one American has ever won an Olympic racewalking medal: Larry Young scored bronzes in 1968 and 1972. And because America is usually good at everything, it brings up a question that appears on the FAQ page for the Race Walking Association: "Why Not Simply Run?" The RWA has an answer:

"Running is certainly faster, but one of the interests of sport is in achieving good performances within the restriction of the rules."

The Race Walking Association FAQ Page also addresses some other very pressing questions, such as: "Don't You Get Laughed At?" Their answer is gold-medal worthy:

It can't be denied that there are some idiots (usually overweight people in cars) who think that race walking looks funny... If other "athletes" mock, invite them to try it; remember to show proper sympathy when they collapse after fifty yards.

Before you go saying "This shouldn't be an Olympic sport!" Here's a fact that may cause you to think twice about the athletic prowess of these walkers:

Stride length is reduced, so to achieve competitive speeds, racewalkers must cadence rates comparable to those achieved by Olympic 400-metre runners-and they must do so for hours at a time since the Olympic events are the 20 kilometre race walk and 50 kilometre (31 mi) race walk.

That's actually kind of hardcore.

***

Race Walking in Action!

Check out this cute Russian chick dominate for a world racewalking title! As the BBC commentator states, it really is a "brilliant display of walking!"

This dude wins by nearly a minute! Sets a world record! Thrilling!

Racewalking!

Lindsey Green is an Olympic obsessive. (Nearly a decade as a gymnast will do that to a person.) You can keep up with her Olympic thoughts and general sports pondering here and here. If you want to employ her for real reasons, then you should be a startup looking for PR.

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What Is North Korea Saying About The Olympics Today? [North Korea]

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea, everybody's second-favorite Korea, hasn't won any new medals since we last checked in. But that hasn't stopped the state-run news agency from reporting breathlessly on their Olympic success.

Today's coverage tends toward the meta—first, an article on how the world media is covering North Korea.

Athletes of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea have become a focus of world media for their good results in London Olympiad.

Reuters, BBC and other media of UK and media of China, Russia, the United States, Japan and other countries have introduced DPRK athletes' achievements in the Olympic Games.

...

Those media said that the secret of the DPRK athletes' victory is deep concern of leader Kim Jong Il and strength, courage and deep trust from the dear respected Kim Jong Un.

I don't remember saying that.

The second article is just rubbing it in, comparing pre-games medal forecasts with North Korea's impressive haul.

The U.S. newspaper USA Today, Australian newspaper Herald Sun and other Western media guessed that only Kim Un Guk among DPRK athletes would snatch a silver medal in London.

But, the DPRK garnered three gold medals as of today, one in women's judo and another two in men's weightlifting.

Media of south Korea and the world said that the world's attention is focused on the successes by the DPRK delegation of 56 athletes and they are making a rush of wind in the London Olympics.

Their successes represent the inexhaustible strength of the DPRK, which can never be gauged by the Western view of value and criterion.

I think we all just got told.

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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Deadspin Up All Night: All About The Tap [Video]

Aug 2, 2012 8:45 PM  

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Tim and I are around. Enjoy your nightly NBC tape-delay fix, and start making those weekend plans.

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Jim Everett Talks About A Fight On Jordanian TV, Middle Eastern History, Plaxico, Taxes And, Yes, Jim Rome [Video]

Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Jordanian Politician Pulls A Gun On Critic On T.V.." (Action starts about 25 seconds in.) Tonight's commentator: former NFL Pro Bowl quarterback (and current assets manager) Jim Everett, who would probably be in prison had he had access to weapons on Jim Rome's TV show.

First the background: A Jordanian member of parliament, Mohammed Shawabka, was on a live TV talk show with political activist Mansour Sayf al-Din Murad. Shawabka and Murad were discussing the recent Syrian conflict. As the debate heated up, Murad called Shwabaka a "Mafia thief," Schwabaka accused Murad of being an "Israeli Spy" and proceeded to throw his shoe at Murad. Murad got up quickly and the table flew. Soon after that, Schwabaka pulled a gun.

Would Schwabaka have pulled the trigger if Murad called him "Chris"?

No, I don't think so either, but the war of words continues around the world and way beyond the scope of athletics. This table flipper gets a score of four on a ten scale. I'd rate him higher but it was more of a defensive "dodge the hated Muslim shoe technique" rather than an offensive maneuver of "attacking the infidel."

This outlandish behavior on live TV will not be heard by a Jordanian Court. In the US, we'd expect a court trial based on attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon. However, life is much different in Jordan. The listed reasons for no repercussions; 1) the gun was not pointed at Murad's head, 2) the words "I'll kill you" were not used, and most importantly 3) Shawabka is a paid member of the King's parliament.

Thus Shawabka does his job of intentionally sending a visual message that leadership will physically stymie any uprising. Speaking of toting heat, I still wonder who's uprising Plaxico Burress was trying to stop?

In America we love sports, know the stats, cherish the records, anticipate juicy gossip; like who got the latest DUI, who used steroids, or who is about to get trophies taken away because of some sort of cheating.

Sports sells here at home, but in general, we are rather naïve about other societies, their democracies and their motives.

The Michael Jordan we love and admire is free to make any decision he likes; however, in the land of Jordan, they have a King and it's not the NBA King James from Florida.

Jordan's ruler is King Abdullah II and he does not run a free democracy. If the king allows a vote for parliament members and he does not like the results, he dissolves the parliament. This sounds more like an NFL owner clearing house than a voting member of our Congress.

Murad, the table tipper, used to be on the king's staff but now is an opposing voice, which is unwelcomed in the Kingdom. The usual pension plan of ex-king employees is a free one way ticket to any country of your choice (and stay there for life) or be next in line for the CEO position at "Pushing up Daisies Inc."

The meat of the TV conflict is about Syria. Yet Syria has a president, so we assume there must have been a vote, yes? Hold on a minute, the president of Syria is Bashar al-Assad and he has been in office since 2000. Who was the president before al-Assad? Oh, that would be Bashar's father, ?afiz al-Assad, who was in power since 1971. Forty-one years of family reign in Syria sounds like a free voting a society to me. NOT!

This would be like listening to Jim Rome since no other programs are allowed to air. ULGH!!!

So the typical behavior of those in power (whatever their label in the Middle East) is that anyone who does not agree with them is called an Israeli agent. Why Israel is considered a derogatory term is a subject that would take more than one article to finish; but for now in my humble opinion, I'll simply state that the Arabs are jealous of Israel.

What really pisses me off is the fact that we are sending our American young men into this hell hole without a firm and long term game-plan. Our American leaders pick and choose which dictator, king or governing body to support for our own gains; then we'll change political course mid-steam. Are we not a free society in support of free nations and democracy? Yet, we supported Syria's President Bashar al-Assad for years, now al-Assad calls USA supporters of terrorism.

Overall, we'd all much rather watch ESPN highlight than dive into our own foreign policy.

This "old time" NFL quarterback would audible for protecting the free right of people abroad. However, we need rules of engagement and understand what contributes to a first down, what leads to a score and most importantly, when is the game over.

If your taxpayer dollars are involved, why don't we support ONLY those entities that promote true democracies of the people and freedom? The Middle East is not a game and our young men and women are not players to be used recklessly.

Lastly, speaking of reckless, isn't it time for LA to bring our Rams home for they have been in the Middle West way too long!

And now, the rest of your Tuesday Night Fights:

• Awesome happens when a dude on parole or probation or some sort of restriction that requires regular check-ins gets interviewed outside the jail in Rockford, Illinois. This, because a fight breaks out behind him and he wonders if it might be a Punk'd situation. He's been through the system since youth; he knows the hijinks of which people are capable. (Start of Violence, 0:06, but watch it from the start as it's among the more entertaining TNF clips in ages)

• There was a dust-up outside the Popeye's on Broadway. A lady passerby ended up swinging a cane. A narrator ended up noting that this fracas interfered with his ability to get some Popeye's, which is all he wanted to do on this day. This is understandable because Popeye's has some damn good chicken and, of course, the nation hasn't turned on its owner. Yet. (SoV, instantly)

• "They wanted to fight? Let 'em fight!" (SoV, 0:01)

• Your "Gatorade Bitch" Intermission:

• This Week In Philadelphia Street Brawls: Bonus Coverage: "Free for all North Philly Fight." Bonus Coverage: This would have been considerably more entertaining in Hanna Olivia Johnstone knew how to hold her damn phone when being all, like, I'm outside McFadden's and there's a fight and check it on YouTube tomorrow.

• TNF Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao humbly submits, "Females Duke It Out In Female Way, By Which We Mean With Hair-Grabbing" (SoV, instantly). And that is your weekly TNF report from Beijing.

• If you didn't expect people to get violent at a casino where the headlining act is Frank Caliendo, you don't understand people. Or, just how horrible Frank Caliendo is at whatever he does when he isn't yukking it up on an NFL pregame gigglefest. (SoV, instantly) Bonus Casino Coverage: "Hooker Fight!!!"

• One Shining Go-Kart Racetrack Melee Moment:

• This fight is apparently over a Gucci belt. (SoV, 0:08)

• This World Star Hip Hop classic is notable for the "CHOKE HIM OUT!" exhortations and the fun fact that one of the two participants has 20 kids. (SoV, instantly)

• Here's the lede that tipster Erik provided in sharing this clip from early June: "San Francisco, CA. Mid-Market crack head Rosa Parks attacks historic trolley, then gets her ass beat under the train by some lady who was trying to help(?). Meanwhile, some other shitbag tags the windshield of the trolley car." — 30 — (SoV, 0:40)

• Bested on the street of battle, this man would not let his conqueror drive off without a parting message. (SoV, instantly)

• HULK NO LIKE GYPSY CAB DRIVER IN FOREIGN LAND. (SoV, 0:14)

• Don't sell drugs in Poland. (SoV, 0:04)

• Your "Ana vs. Netta" Intermezzo:

• Not sure what's worse: The lighting for "That's Fucked up! (Hair Done Nails Done) part.2" or the fact that "That's Fucked up! (Hair Done Nails Done) part.1" doesn't seem to exist. (SoV, instantly)

• Hey look, someone encouraged two five-year-olds to fight. And they did. And one of them got "dropped." Which prompted the worst daycare worker/babysitter hanger-on/young parent/uncle/something on the face of the earth to proclaim "World Star." (SoV, 0:50)

• Others: "Street Fight." "Hoes Fighting Hard." "Girl gets Knocked Out!!!" "Constable Remembers Night Club Brawl" "Lafeyette and lens." "Niggaz fightin Outside A Store." "Brawl: Murder Suspect's Son Drops Witness Outside Of Court For His Dad's Trial!" "Police dogs breaks up cat fight." "Chinese street fighters in action".

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Denver Post Writer Says He Never Meant To Tweet About How "Horny" He Got While Covering The Olympics [Media Meltdowns]

Jul 31, 2012 6:05 PM  

So what prompted John Henderson of the Denver Post to tweet that on Sunday? Denver Westword noted that it appeared in Henderson's timeline not long after he had written separate blog items about a pair of teenage swimmers. Which is ... awkward.

The tweet remained posted for more than 24 hours, but it has since been taken down. So was Henderson guilty of leering in the press box? Well, sort of. He responded to Denver Westword to say it was all a big misunderstanding, see. Henderson had intended for the tweet to be a direct message to a woman with whom he had been, um, conversing. But, you know, he's a newspaper guy still getting acquainted with this whole Twitter thingamajingy concept, and—whoops!—the comment got shared with the entire world by mistake:

"Her comments made me horny. Not any athlete," he stresses, adding, "Good Lord, that came on the heels of a blog about a 16-year-old girl? I really hope nobody made that connection."

Oh, OK. That clears that up. Though now we can't help but picture Henderson sitting there along press row at the pool deck, just sex messaging away in between occasional glances at the 4 x 200 free relay. But at least he never tried to claim he was hacked.

[Denver Westword]

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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NBC Runs Today Promo Spoiling Outcome Of Race They Were About To Air [Video]

Jul 30, 2012 10:04 PM  

NBC can't even do tape delay properly, it seems. Tonight's heavily-hyped broadcast of Missy Franklin's 100 backstroke became a moot point after the Peacock Network ran the above promo for Today...in the commercial break before the race actually aired. If you're one of the fools who actually avoids learning about outcomes until you can watch them on TV 12 hours after the fact, well, you deserve what you get. But this is still yet another NBC boner in what's turned out to be a London Olympics full of them.

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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NBC Responds: We Removed The Opening Ceremony Memorial To Terrorism Victims Because The Tribute Wasn't About America [Video]

NBC finally responded to overwhelming criticism of its decision to heavily edit coverage of Friday's opening ceremony with an answer that satisfied neither American fans nor Olympic organizers. Claiming "our programming is tailored for our American audience," NBC spokesperson Greg Hughes defended the network's choice to replace the "Abide With Me" memorial performance with a Ryan Seacrest interview of Michael Phelps.

The segment's choreographer and visionary for the memorial to victims of London's 7/7 attacks reacted angrily at a press conference this weekend, being quoted by Reuters as having said: "Is it not accessible enough? Is it not commercial enough?"

As our friend Louis said over on Gawker this weekend, it's a remarkably tone-deaf response from NBC. It does, however, demonstrate exactly how NBC views the Olympics and how differently it does so compared to the rest of the world's broadcasters.

Everywhere else in the world—including places like China and Saudi Arabia—the Olympics are considered a major international news story, worthy of coverage as such and, thus, live and as uninterrupted as possible. Comparisons include the Royal Wedding (which NBC *did* show live in its entirety) or a natural disaster like a tsunami. Our editor emeritus Will Leitch says the Olympics aren't sports, but reality TV; he's right, only insofar as an American perspective goes, though. We're conditioned to think we should be fed our salad pre-tossed because that's how we've always received it; NBC has taken this liberty we've given them and used it to craft narratives that do not actually exist and to eliminate the ones they'd rather we not see.

What NBC did with the opening ceremony is, then, simply a stand-in for the manipulation they engage in with all their prime-time coverage. What you see at night on NBC's Olympic coverage didn't actually happen, but is instead an NBC-forged simulacrum of what the Olympic day was like. They recreate a sequence of events that never actually happened by using footage of things that actually did. Maybe we're okay with that, but NBC dismissing complaints of anyone who isn't okay with it is not, well, okay.

SEE ALSO: Here's The Opening Ceremony Tribute To Terrorism Victims NBC Doesn't Want You To See
Opening Ceremony Choreographer "Disheartened And Disappointed" NBC Cut His Entire Performance Out Of Their Broadcast
NBC Also Edited Out A Tribute Featuring Two Dead U.S. Servicemen From Their Opening Ceremony Broadcast

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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NBC Interviewed A Random Tourist About The Queen, And Didn't Realize He Was Evander Holyfield [Video]

Jul 30, 2012 4:55 PM  

This morning's Today Show was still, for some reason, talking about that opening ceremony bit with Daniel Craig and HRH Queen Elizabeth II. They decided to get some "man on the street" comments from tourists in front of Buckingham Palace, and one of them was Evander Holyfield! Blink and you'll miss him—Holyfield thought the segment was "wonderful"—but the NBC crew didn't seem to recognize the former world heavyweight champ (and Olympic medalist).

It's unlikely anyone would have noticed had Holyfield not tweeted about it this morning.

[via Reddit]

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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Dead Letters: "Do You Not Know That Anyone, Especially My 8 Year Old Granddaughter, Can Google Information About Horses?" [Dead Letters]

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: Rafalca

From: Ann Jegers
To: Tom Ley

Hey, do you not know that anyone,especially my 8 year old granddaughter, can google information about horses? Why do you feel that you can use profane adjectives to describe what it costs to maintain an Olympic quality horse? This is America. If you make the money, you can spend it anyway you see fit. You can't tell me that an elite human athlete who is training for the Olympics doesn't spend an exorbitant amount of money.
You must be well educated. Please expand your vocabulary.
I won't even get into your use of a sport site to express your political views.

Subject: COMMENTING SECTION

From: Jared Sheehan
To: Drew Magary

Drew,

I am a loyal reader of Deadspin and your Funbag and Dadspin pieces. I would enjoy your pieces on KSK, but that site gets blocked at work.

I am writing in regards to the updated commenting format on Deadspin. I understand upgrading the software and format shit - that's just fucking progress and gives the computer nerds something to do in between fapping sessions. But this most recent update has totally opened the floodgates for these borderline retards to vomit all over every article. What is so wrong with the new commenting system that it does not require a screening process? Are these additional visitors getting Daulerio THAT much more money for his horse porn site subscriptions to turn Deadspin into ESPN message boards?

I'm sure you have seen the responses to your "Why Your Team Sucks" pieces. The ignorance is funny for a comment or two, but all this garbage has ruined the typical Deadspin comments I grew to love (think of the Roethlisberger "NFL Therapist" types). By the way, fuck the Raiders.

I'm not expecting a post or a response, I just wanted to let you know that a dedicated reader has been receiving a lower quality product so Daulerio can look at more horse porn.

Sincerely,

Jared

P.S. Daulerio looks at horse porn.

We reached out to A.J. Daulerio for his response:

Thanks for sharing this, Jack. First off, I'm disappointed to see that Deadspin still has whiny dickheads obsessing about the site's "commenting system" like it's some small town Rotary Club. Yes, we've discontinued serving bottomless cups of coffee and clam chowder on Wednesday nights. Go start a petition to validate your existence and we'll put it to an imaginary vote right now. All those in favor of making Whiny Dickhead eat clam chowder in the parking lot of a Fuddrucker's if he doesn't shut the fuck up say 'Aye'! [SCREAMING AYE! LIKE BRAVEHEART AND BANGING A GIANT GAVEL ON MY MONITOR UNTIL IT SHATTERS]

Secondly, tell this whiny dickhead that he should consult the nearest About page so he can see that this "Daulerio" person no longer oversees Deadspin and even when I did, "Daulerio" never got paid per whiny dickhead. Oh, but I wish I did! Because with those kazillions of whiny dickhead dollars I would buy many acres of land in Montana along with many porn-star horses just so I could send an Instagram photo of all the hot equine action as a thank you note to this asshole every day of his miserable existence.

Subject: scocca

From: Zack H.
To: The Staff

Get Scocca off your site. His article about sponsored jerseys is about as fucking dumb and uninformed as possible. And I hate ads on uniforms.

-cheers

Zack H.

Subject: My chiefs

From: kcchiefs.hampton
To: Drew Magary

Why r u so jealous of our chiefs? U should go the rams chiefs game in august chiefsfans dominate there and wait til u see our boys kill gayton manning on the donkeys were from Month we will show u.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Subject: [no subject]

From: dekle
To: The Staff

Here's a tip:

SHUT UP

Subject: scandal hunter

From: Dan Pettit
To: Tommy Craggs

I think you're lucky to have Charles Robinson consider you a peer. You do come off like an immature prick, just like you said. That matters.

I love deadspin. I'm sure you are rightfully proud of your part in the platform for sports and debate that deadspin has provided. However, you should aspire to reach the level of journalism of Robinson and Wetzel.

Please act professionally you stereotypical over-educated fake machismo eunuch keyboard jockey.

-Dan

Subject: olympics hater's list

From: Nkrez
To: The Staff

The more I read the less I like this site:

British people like mayonnaise wayyyyy too much. For an anti-mayo activist like me, England is hell on Earth.

—-I thought white people HAD to like Mayonaise…haven't you seen undercover brother

Most of them are filthy drunks who sound like a Monty Python Gumby sketch when they talk.

—-If he's insulting Monty Python .....

TABLE TENNIS.
I can't even see the ball. For all I know, you people are just staging an elaborate pantomime routine in order to justify your Olympic status. It's bullshit. You are a rec room game for premature ejaculators and you deserve to be part of some other, less prestigious suite of sporting events, like the Delta Tau Homecoming Olympics and Rape Social.

—not my fault that running a lame internet blog doesn't offer good medical benefits

BASKETBALL.
I'm not gonna support any team that has Coach K and his fucking rat face as its leader. Late at night, Coach K joins with IOC members to don goat leggings, slurp blood wine, and slaughter virgin sex slaves. And you can't tell me any different.

—-not sure what he's complaining about - that the internet blocks him at the computer monitor so he can't be as interactive?

EQUESTRIAN.
The horse is doing all the fucking work! Do you realize that horses don't get medals for equestrian events? Only the jockey gets the medal. THAT IS CRAP. The fuck did you do, Mrs. Romney? Apart from straddle Rafalca and get your pussy damp? You want a gold medal for that? Eat $hit and die.

—- If a horse beat superman I want this pale skinned resident of his mother's basement to give it a shot…

SAILING.
Sailing is for assholes. Not only is it a pastime of revoltingly rich people who summer in Newport, but people who sail also have a retro fetish akin to people who still use typewriters. We have motorized water transport now. Stop playing Master & Commander and bragging about how many fancy cleat knots you can tie. Use a speedboat like normal people.

——sounds like he has a problem with elitism - bet that wouldn't be the case if his blog got 1% of the hits that Mad Money with Jim Cramer gets…..

WRESTLING.
Let's all just admit that pro wrestling is vastly superior. Watch amateur wrestling for three minutes and you'll quickly understand why. Pro wrestlers know full well that you don't want to watch one guy try and give another guy a reacharound for three straight minutes.

—-anyone that promotes pro wrestling loses all credibility instantly…..

WATER POLO.
Total asshole sport. AND it's unwatchable. Throw a 3-year-old in the pool and you get roughly the same viewing experience. Lots of splashing.

—-sounds like someone had a bad experience with the water at an early age….

SOCCER.
You people on Twitter need to shut the fck up about soccer. On random mornings, I'll go to check the news and instead of a nice variety of stories on my feed, it's just 30 assholes posting COME ON YOU BLUES! or some other dipshit soccer live tweet that is completely lost on me. I want a SOCCERBLOCK feature on Twitter, so that I can eliminate all soccer-related tweets from otherwise reasonable people. And didn't they just have a big international soccer tourney? I feel like they stage one of these things every three weeks. Even Yom Kippur doesn't happen this often. Enough. Fuck off with soccer for a while. I have preseason football to watch.

—-I think the problem is he goes to Twitter for his news…and that he's stoked for pre-season football…

Subject: Please, please make it stop

From: Josh Davidson
To: The Staff

Please go back to the old commenting system. Please. Dear God of all that is holy, you have killed the best comments section on the interwebs. See through whatever dark arts spell Kinja has cast on you, and kick that shit to the curb.

From: Josh Davidson
To: The Staff

My fiancee just told me how stupid and horrible Kinja has made the comment section.

Please move the dial back to 11!

Subject: Kane

From: Noah Jacobs
To: The Staff

Patrick Kane likes to party. He's not partying anymore than you guys web you like to have a good time, and you don't have drinking problems. At least we would never know bc it never shows up on the field. More Patrick kane drinking photos, less diagnosis.

Noah

Sent from my iPhone

Hey look guys Deadspin needs more page clicks!Lebron can't do something most grown men still have trouble doing! deadspin.com/5929697/this-l…

— jon (@sportech) July 27, 2012

@drewmagary Not gonna lie, that new Kinju system or whatever the hell it's called is quite rage inducing. I FEAR CHANGE.

— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) July 27, 2012

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