United States Wins Medal Count, Is The Best Country Ever At Sports [London Olympics]

Aug 12, 2012 1:52 PM  

Well, it's official—the United States is the best country at a collection of regular sports and a whole bunch of random weirdo sports, as determined by an international competition staged every four years. America won both the gold (46) and overall (104) medal counts. These colors do not bleed, China. [Medal Count]

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Russia Accuses Olympic Boxing Of Shadiness [London Olympics]

At this point, boxing couldn't even beat its rap as a sham if it paid off every person who ever thought about boxing. Things are especially bad for your sport, though, when the Russians are accusing you of being below board. That's exactly what Russian sports minister, Vitaly Mutko has said about the London Olympics, specifically lamenting the Russian results in both men's and women's boxing.

"The Brits are just as [bad] as [the Chinese] in Beijing," Mutko told Russian media on Saturday. "Here in London everyone wants the British to win. They have a very strong political support."

"Three of our boxers had been prevented from reaching the final," Mutko said, referring to the light-flyweight David Ayrapetyan, flyweight Misha Aloian and welterweight Andrei Zamkovoy, who lost their semi-final bouts. Ayrapetyan lost to Thailand's Kaeo Pongprayoon 13-12, Aloian lost to Mongolia's Tugstsogt Nyambayar 15-11, while Zamkovoy lost to Kazakhstan's Serik Sapiyev 18-12.

I know what you're thinking. "Prevented from reaching the final?" That does sound shady, but if you do a google translate for Paranoid Russian, it just means "lost."

Mutko added that Britain's boxers may have benefited by a partisan home crowd swaying the judges. "[The British] are planning a happy end in boxing tomorrow," he said after three British men advanced to Sunday's finals.

Expect Olympic organizers to kick Mutko out of the arena shortly.

Russian sports minister accuses Britain of unfair play at London 2012 [Guardian]

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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Your Sneak Preview Of The Closing Ceremony [London Olympics]

The closing ceremonies kick off this afternoon at 4 p.m. EST. But why wait (*checks watch*) five minutes to see what the set'll look like? Hey, you could look at pictures of past closing ceremonies, or you could look at pictures of future closing ceremonies. Here are some pre-ceremony pictures being tweeted and instagramed by various insiders.

From what we can tell: there will some kind of ferris wheel, Allesandra Ambrosio will be holding or is currently holding something shiny, Ludcaris and Vin Diesel may be in the house, and everything is bathed in an eerie blue light.

From SI photographer Robert Beck:

From @RickyBerens, what the US and Swiss delegations will be wearing:

Presumably apocryphal, unless—dear God, is Russell Brand really singing "I Am the Walrus"?

And here's your BBC Livestream, because fuck you, NBC.

Top image courtesy Mark Smith (@MarkSmith4100)

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South Korean Soccer Player Did Not Receive His Medal Because Of Politics [London Olympics]

Aug 12, 2012 11:20 AM  

Park Jong-soo played all 90 minutes in South Korea's 2-0 win over Japan in Friday's bronze medal game. As he walked off the field he held up the sign you see, which apparently reads "Dokdo is our territory." The reference is to a group of islands between South Korea and Japan in waters (the Sea of Japan, or the East Sea...or the Korea East Sea depending on your perspective) rich with natural resources. Both South Korea and Japan claim sovereignty over the islands.

His protest came hours after South Korea's president, Lee Myung-bak, paid a surprise visit to the islands. The visit infuriated Japan, which withdrew its ambassador from Seoul in protest.

Personally, I would have thrown some good ol' scare quotes around "protest," but I don't work for The Times. Anyway, the holding of a sign was determined to be a political statement and all the governing bodies of Soccer, with their strict anti-political statements/pro-political corruption stance, got pissed and will hold their own investigations. London Olympics officials asked that South Korea handle this mess and South Korea decided to keep Park off the podium while the rest of his teammates received their medals.

South Korean Denied Medal Over Politics [New York Times]

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Teddy Atlas And Bob Papa Kicked Out Of Boxing Arena; NBC Doesn't Really Care Because No One From The U.S. Is In Contention [London Olympics]

The International Amateur Boxing Association claimed that NBC's announcers were "disturbing" the judges with their criticism and requested that organizers remove them from their ringside position. NBC was the only entity granted a ringside position and organizers politely suggested that maybe they take their microphones and judging critiques to the space reserved for the rest of the commoners. Since there are no Americans left to contend for a medal, NBC said thanks, but no thanks.

"NBC commentators were offered a booth in the media tribune like other broadcasters because they were very disturbing for AIBA officials - even during bouts they were not broadcasting - being located at the edge of the Field of Play," an AIBA spokesman said in an emailed statement to Reuters.

"They claimed that since no boxers from the USA were still in the running, they didn't want to stay anyway."

NBC hasn't ditched boxing altogether, though. It still has a camera on site and will record the action and then add commentary from New York. If NBC's Olympic coverage actually came anywhere near sports reporting, or sports broadcasting, we might say this is a despicable act of censorship. But this is not censorship, it's just two heavyweights trying to out-farce one another. It's entertainment.

Image via Getty
NBC Olympic boxing announcers leave in dispute with IBA [SI]
Boxing: NBC asked to cease ringside commentary [Yahoo]

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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McKayla Maroney's Meme Knowledge Is...Impressive [London Olympics]

Aug 11, 2012 5:00 PM  

Most impressive. Here is a photo Maroney posted to instagram with teammates Aly Raisman and Kyla Ross posing for a picture at their hotel maybe? Trying to get in a quick swim. Their luck ran out however, as they were informed the pool's closed.

Is it possible, that McKayla turned lemons into lemonade and combined two memes to create one giant, Olympic meme hybrid when she wrote "The pool is closed.. #notimpressed"?

The safe money is on it being a coincidence. But if the Olympics have taught us anything it's that we must dare to dream.
[McKayla Maroney]

For a handy master schedule of every Olympic event, click here.

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Andre Iguodala Too Busy Eating At McDonald's To Pose For Photo With Serena Williams And Other USA Basketball Players [London Olympics]

Aug 9, 2012 2:20 PM  

This photo was posted by Serena Williams, and it looks like LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Tyson Chandler, Deron Williams, James Harden, and Kobe Bryant were eager to go along. Not Andre Iguodala, however. Maybe when the photographer said to say, "Cheese," he just couldn't help himself.

[Business Insider]

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Olympics Brand Police Not Happy About Athletes Humping With Unauthorized Condoms [London Olympics]

Aug 9, 2012 4:57 PM  

As we've seen again and again (and again), the London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (LOCOG) protects Olympic sponsors with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting its cubs. That extends to condoms: when Australian BMXer Caroline Buchanan tweeted this picture of "a bucket of unauthorized condoms" (that's Fox Sports's delicate phrasing), they took swift action, removing the renegade contraception and vowing that they would "look into this and ask that they are not handed out to other athletes because Durex are our supplier."

[Fox Sports]

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One Norwegian Runner Had An Unfortunate Uniform Malfunction During His Race [London Olympics]

Aug 9, 2012 8:45 AM  

Poor Henrik Ingebrigtsen. He competed Tuesday in the 1,500-meter final and actually set a new Norwegian record with his fifth-place time, but all anyone is going to remember is that his shorts busted open and his jock was dangling out by the time he crossed the finish line.

Let's do a more frame-by-frame analysis of just when exactly Ingebrigtsen's situation went from "Gosh, I really hope no one notices this slight tear near my balls" to "Oh, great, now everyone's going to think my balls are flopping out of my shorts."

All's normal at the start, although you can almost see the beginnings of a tear.

About halfway through the race, we've got a problem developing.

The problem is getting worse.

Nothing that can be done at this point. Just head for the finish, Henrik. (As fast as you can.)

He's probably never been so happy to finish a race (and run away from tens of thousands of spectators).

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Even U.S. Troops Are Getting Screwed By NBC's Olympic Tape Delay [London Olympics]

If you're stationed in Europe or in Afghanistan as a U.S. military member, you get one advantage when watching these Olympics: The time difference is smaller. But of course they're screwed, too.

AFN—the American Forces Network—is tape-delaying all Olympics coverage, preventing an audience of "365,000 military and family members, civilians, retirees and State Department workers throughout Europe, Southwest Asia and North Africa," from watching live coverage, reports Stars and Stripes. And the complains are pouring in on AFN's Facebook page:

A July 27 post complained about not being able to watch the opening ceremonies live: "I don't understand how hard it is to watch the Olympics live when I live in Europe … why must I watch it on a German channel … thank you for your caring support to put it in English at 1:30 am for Soldiers living in Europe … crazy its not like the Olympics comes every 4 years or anything."

Most complaints have been similarly worded, Smith said. People are saying: " 'We understand that you are getting the feed from NBC. But we're thinking, gee, we're in the same part of the world. Why can't we get a live feed?' " he said. "They want their Olympic coverage live."

Heh, how familiar! And why is AFN tied down? According to Stars and Stripes, the network is bound by Defense Department regulations to carry a U.S. feed, i.e. NBC, which provides its Olympics coverage to AFN free of charge. And remember, NBC tailors all its coverage to an American audience except when it doesn't.

Tape delay: It's unpatriotic, too!

Photo of U.S. troops watching football, via Getty

[Stars and Stripes]

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BMX Is Underway At The London Olympics, Which Means We've Had Our First Bloody Gnarly Crash [Video]

Aug 8, 2012 12:20 PM  

The tough times for America's Olympic BMX team started before the Games were even underway: star Arielle Martin had to drop out after a devastating crash on the team's last day of training before leaving for London. Martin's replacement, Brooke Crain, didn't fare much better during today's seeding run at the BMX course north of London's Olympic Park.

Crain crashed and burned in the last straight of her run, taking more than a minute to get up though she did manage to finish the course. The AP reports it's unclear if Crain will be able to recover in time for Thursday's semifinal. Crain's already dealing with the effects of a broken arm suffered at the World Championships.

Watch the whole BMX seeding competition here.

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Canadian Women's Soccer Players May Face FIFA Discipline For Claiming Yesterday's Semifinal Was Rigged [London Olympics]

Aug 7, 2012 3:15 PM  

Members of the Canadian women's national soccer team are under fire for comments they made after yesterday's thriller of a match won by the U.S. with seconds to spare.

FIFA says it plans to investigate the comments, referring most likely to team captain Christine Sinclair who said after the match, "We feel like we didn't lose. We feel like it was taken from us [...] It's a shame in a game like that, which is so important, that the ref decided the result before the game started."

The match featured several controversial calls, including a six-second call on Canada's goalkeeper and a handball that provided Team USA the equalizing penalty shot.

While the Canadian Soccer Federation says they don't expect Sinclair or any other players to be suspended for Canada's bronze medal match, future suspensions could be possible.

[Toronto Sun]

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That Runner Who Got Kicked Out Of The Olympics For Tanking Just Won The Race He Actually Cared About [London Olympics]

Aug 7, 2012 5:20 PM  

Yesterday we brought you the story of Taoufik Makhloufi of Algeria, who tanked out of his qualifying heat in the 800m in order to conserve his energy for the 1500m final, a stunt that got him kicked out of the Olympics altogether. Makhloufi was later reinstated when he obtained a doctor's note claiming that his performance in the 800m was due to a "knee injury."

Well, that knee seems to have recovered dandily, because Makhloufi just took gold in the 1500m final. The knee injury excuse was obviously bogus, but it's hard to be mad at Makhloufi for doing what he did. He had a much better chance at winning the 1500m, and he knew that he was going to need all the strength he could muster in order to do so. His move may be reprehensible to some (prickish) people, but not to me. He got the gold he wanted, and his tanking didn't adversely effect any of the other runners who were competing. His crime was as victimless as it gets. I suppose the spectators who showed up to watch his heat have some room to complain, but anyone expecting riveting athletic competition from a qualifying heat is dumb.

So, to sum up, if you want to be an Olympic gold medalist, don't go around giving your all like some kind of square. And be sure to smoke plenty of weed. And get laid once in a while, too.

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Serena Williams Wins Gold Medal, Crip Walks Into Our Hearts [London Olympics]

Aug 4, 2012 10:55 AM  

Holy shit. Serena Williams just won her gold-medal match against Maria Sharapova, and she won it in dominant fashion. Williams's bushwhacking of Sharapova was over in just under an hour, as she took the match 6-0, 6-1. Sharapova was lucky to take even one game, because Williams was at the absolute top of her game today. Sharapova had to throw everything she had at Williams just to scratch out a few points, and she spent most of the match looking like she was about to throw up.

The highlight of the match came after it was over, though, when Williams unleashed what has got to be the first crip walk that has ever occurred at the All England Club:

I'm sure some crusty white sportswriter will give Serena shit for her celebration after Googling what a crip walk is ("It's gang related!"), but we love it. In fact, we hope she just spends the rest of her day crip walking around London.

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Michael Phelps Swims His Last Olympic Race. This Does Not Mean We Need To Start Debating His Legacy. [London Olympics]

Aug 4, 2012 4:10 PM  

Team USA just put the finishing touches on a gold-medal race in the 4x100 medley relay, earning Michael Phelps his 18th Olympic gold medal. All signs point to this being the last race of Phelps's career, and he represented himself well, swimming a strong leg to help his team to a comfortable victory.

Now, with Phelps's career officially over, everyone will want to start debating about whether or not he is the greatest Olympian of all time. That should be a lot of fun! I'm sure Skip Bayless and plenty of other people on ESPN will have plenty to scream-talk about this week.

Such debates are useless and ultimately meaningless, though, so instead let's take a moment to appreciate Phelps for what he is: An unbelievably talented athlete who has spent his life dominating the world of swimming while being a semi-charming doofus. He doesn't need to be anything more or less than that.

Thanks for being you, Michael Phelps.

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On His Way Out The Door, Ryan Lochte Admits He Pees In The Pool [London Olympics]

This has been reported all over the place, usually without much additional comment, and Lochte has yet to clarify that he was joking, so I guess it's a real thing. From TVGuide.com:

According to Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, it's common practice for athletes to pee in the Olympic pool.

"Of course," Lochte responded Friday during an interview on Ryan Seacrest's morning show, when Seacrest asked him if swimmers really do use the pool as a toilet.

"I think there's just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go," the gold medalist added. "[I didn't] during the races, but I sure did in warm-up."

Maybe it's because the first mention of it came out on Friday afternoon, but for whatever reason, the reaction was mostly along the lines of, "yawn, the second most famous swimmer on earth pisses in the pool while he warms up, he says everyone does, they're all swimming in their own piss, whatever, moving on." Jezebel found it "unsurprising," these guys said the habit represented a "similarity to most people," The Daily Mail used it as a pivot to get back to that one-night stand thing, and Sports Illustrated made half a joke about endorsements. Examiner.com said, "If there was any point to be made, it is this is why celebrity hosts do not belong at the London Olympics."

Au contraire, Examiner.com. There are a lot of other points to be made. Such as:

• What?
• He just pees right in the pool?
• Other swimmers also just pee right in the pool?
• What the fuck?

OK, so I guess there aren't "a lot" of other points to be made. Still, it seems like a good time to note that the London Olympics, once touted as Ryan Lochte's coming out party—his appeal is "through the roof" and he's "the rock star of the swimming community," remember?—resulted in one individual gold medal and a bunch of articles suggesting that he might be sort of an annoying moron. His Olympics is over (the US Men's team still has races to swim, but none involve Lochte) and on the way out, he admitted that he was peeing in the pool the whole time.

With only a couple more events, the oldest male swimmer to win gold in London was Lochte himself, at age 27. When the 2016 Olympics in Rio roll around, Lochte will be 31. Um...jeah?

Image via Shutterstock

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Michael Phelps Earned His 18th Gold Medal By Bringing The 4x100 Medley Relay Team From Behind [London Olympics]

Aug 4, 2012 3:49 PM  

When Michael Phelps entered the pool for his final career Olympic swim, the Japanese 4x100 medley relay team held a slight lead. When the race ended, the U.S. led by nearly two seconds.

Undoubtedly much of that is due to Nathan Adrian's blistering anchor leg, but the truth remains that the U.S. were behind when Phelps started his butterfly portion, and ahead when he finished at 3:29.35, and that's your awesome Michael Phelps legacy (along with the 18 gold medals).

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The First Woman Ever To Box For The United States Gets In The Ring Tomorrow Morning [London Olympics]

Aug 4, 2012 6:35 PM  

"Unless women's boxing can be built into a viable spectator sport, our quadrennial national orgy of athletic feel-good self-congratulation will be for naught. Olympic boxing is nice. But it is and always has been a mere prelude to a professional career." Y'all like reading Hamilton Nolan on boxing? Same. Before the first US women's boxing team ever debuts tomorrow morning (lightweight Queen Underwood fights at 2:30 p.m. London time), read about the weird deal women boxers get over at Slate.

[Is There A Future For Women's Boxing?]

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Former 100m World Champion Kicked Out Of Olympics For Meeting His Wife In A Hotel [London Olympics]

Aug 4, 2012 8:36 AM  

A former 100m world champion will not compete in the event at the London Olympics after being caught visiting his wife in a hotel outside the Olympic Village.

St. Kitts & Nevis sprinter Kim Collins—who carried the flag in the opening ceremony—complained on Twitter, stating "Even men in prison get their wives to visit." The Washington Post says Collins has missed camp the last several days.

It would have been Collins's fifth Olympics.

[USA Today]

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Team USA Just Barely Survived A Gut Check From Lithuania [London Olympics]

The final score—99-94—doesn't tell the whole story: Lithuania had a lead in the fourth quarter, and there were moments where it looked like just about everything that could go wrong for the US team would: atrocious free throw shooting, no rhythm from outside, easy scores for Lithuania's guards, and Coach K making that scary angry weasel face he always makes. Midway through the fourth, the U.S. men's team even had to call a timeout, only their second of the tournament. Some credit should go to a stingy Lithuanian defense that didn't take no guff, but the U.S. squad spent a lot of the game happy to throw up mid-range bricks.

Lithuania had success with dribble-penetration, a fact which may prove instructive for U.S. opponents later in the tournament. Many said this incarnation of Team USA would have trouble defending inside with so few traditional big men, and this game proved them at least partly right. Tyson Chandler played little, and has looked pretty lost in international play thus far. The next most intimidating big man on the roster is the not-so-intimidating Kevin Love. Nonetheless, when the U.S. pulled away at the end, LeBron James was playing center (and dominating) along with Durant, Bryant, Deron Williams and Chris Paul. That is a small lineup, and it worked when it mattered.

The game was mostly for pride anyway, at least for Team USA. There are two groups of six teams each in the preliminary rounds, and four teams from each group will advance to the bracketed stage. You get two points for a win and one for a loss, and it seems unlikely that the US would have been surpassed in points by two teams. Not Tunisia, which has four points and has played four of five games, and probably not Nigeria, which has four points and has played three of five games (and would need to beat both France and Argentina to get to eight). Still, point totals will affect the seeding in the next round, so the US team helped themselves here by gutting out the win. They'll play Argentina for their last group game on Monday.

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